Author Archives: Elsa

Dealing With Customer Complaints – B.L.A.S.T

This entry was posted in News on by .

In a restaurant, not so far away, in the not so distant future, a telephone rings, a customer complains… and the battle begins!

Handling customer complaints doesn’t have to always be a battle, with the right tools and responses you can use complaints to your advantage; to help you build your business. B.L.A.S.T is a great tool that is used by companies such as Yum! (Parent company of KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, A&W, and Long John Silvers). Training their employees in the basics of handling customer complaints. The acronym stands for:

Believe

Listen

Apologize

Satisfy

Thank

How does your company deal with customer complaints? The easiest way to find out is to pick up the phone and play the role of the complaining customer. What happened? If you were an irritated customer, would you return? Using the B.L.A.S.T guidelines, allows you to create a standardized method for dealing with your complainers and turning them into loyal customers.

Believe

This is the cornerstone of handling a customer complaint. Yes, the customer may be lying and be incorrect about their situation. It is important to understand that your customer believes that your establishment has wronged them.

Listen

Stop and listen to your customer’s complaint. I’m not certain whether it’s natural instinct or just plain stubbornness. As soon as a customer starts to complain, we start to think of how we will respond to the accusation before we are done listening, and too often the case, already have the response ready to fight back. Take a second, relax, and listen. On occasion a complaining customer will be rude, angry, and use vulgar language, stay the course and remain calm and level headed.

When the customer is done venting; in a calm, non-judgmental tone, repeat their problem. An example I used in my KFC for a mispacked order:

“What I hear you saying is that, you came in ordered and paid for 10 Pieces of chicken and when you got home, you only received 8, is that correct?”

By repeating the problem at hand, you’ve demonstrated your ability to the customer that you heard and understood their problem.

Listen and clarify. Never defend or justify. The customer doesn’t care if you were shorthanded or if you’re having a bad day, they only care that they get taken care of. No excuses, just solutions.

Apologize

Always apologize even if you did nothing wrong. From your customers’ perspective, they have a legitimate complaint, and they expect an apology. It could be as simple as “I’m sorry we’ve inconvenienced you.” or “I’m sorry I know how frustrating it is to buy dinner for my family, only not to have everything there when I get home” A sincere apology will usually diffuse a lot of frustration that the customer has. There is an exception to this rule though, if a customer calls with a critical complaint, such as food poisoning, don’t apologize, it may be construed as an acceptance of guilt, instead refer to your company’s procedures for such events.

Satisfy

Make it right. Ask the customer “What can I do to make this right for you”? Be the judge of what is fair of course, but allow them the opportunity to feel empowered over the situation. Many times they may ask for the problem be taken care of on their next visit or maybe that you talk to the person who made the mistake and correct them. We used a great system of sending out a personalized postcard apologizing for the mistake, it was a couple of handwritten sentences (yes, many times with spelling mistakes from my team members), but it was personal and always well received. We always gave them the unexpected as well, maybe a free dessert or an extra side dish just to show that we cared about them.

Thank

At the beginning, at the end, in the middle; it doesn’t matter, thank the customer for calling and complaining.

Why? With the simple act of complaining, your customer is telling you “I care about your business and your success”. They are giving you the opportunity to fix the problem and invite them back so they can give you more of their money. Puts a different spin on it doesn’t it? Thank them for giving you that second chance, for letting you know that something in your restaurant didn’t work like it normally does, for giving you the chance to make it right, and for the opportunity not to damage your reputation!

Reputation? I had to throw that one in. You work hard, day in day out, trying the best to make your business the best, and yet one unhappy customer can take it away from you. A happy customer will tell two or three friends about a good experience, but an unhappy customer will tell at least ten friends about their experience and it always multiplies through word of mouth. Case in point, when I moved cross country to my new hometown, I was at a Chamber of Commerce event and being the new person in the group, I introduced myself and what we did. No sooner than five minutes passed did I get a list of 10 restaurants in my area that in their opinion were in “need of my services”. Only one person gave me a good restaurant. I didn’t ask, I was told. To this day I still haven’t been to those restaurants as a customer, why do I want to give them my hard earned money, when they made my new friends unhappy? It may not be a rational thought, but it is human nature.

Will some people take advantage of your kindness? Of course, a rule of thumb I used in my restaurant was:

First time shame on me,

Second time shame on me, but I’m watching you,

Third time… Shame on you and I will make the decision on how I will deal with you as a customer.

Keep track of who calls to complain, names, phone numbers for follow up, addresses for your postcards. Using a binder and tracking your complaints, you will be able to detect and deter those that would take advantage of your new complaint procedures.

Adding B.L.A.S.T to your expanding toolbox of customer service tools will help you in dealing with customer complaints and turn them around so they can tell their friends what great service you have!


>

50 Things That Make A Man Want To Marry You – The Ultimate Guide To Understanding A Man’s Commitment

This entry was posted in News on by .

Yup, you’re struggling to get your guy to commit. He is scared to death of the idea of marriage, and runs away from serious conversations that talk about it. Frustrated, you feel like he’s just taking you for a ride, and wonder if he will ever pop the question. The ugly truth is, you’re not making him WANT to pop the question.

Yeah, you heard it right: you don’t make him FEEL like he should want to commit to you in that fashion. Instead, you are making him feel quite the opposite. By always bringing it up and pressuring him, you are actually making him BELIEVE that he is becoming TRAPPED with you.

You see, men fear being trapped. They fear being stuck in a relationship or with a woman where they have no freedom, no control, no privacy, no time to themselves, no space etc… Therefore, anything that makes a man BELIEVE or feel as though he is being trapped, is an instant reason for him to say “NO” to marriage, and “NO” to commitment.

This is why it’s extremely important for a woman to learn HOW to act around a man so that she can make him actually want to marry her. It’s even more important to understand how a man’s mind works, and how he looks at a relationship, and at you, so that you can KNOW exactly what it is that you need to do to make him marry you.

To help you out, here are 50 things you can do to make a man want to marry you- and trust me, these tips are the ULTIMATE guide to understanding and GETTING a man to commit:

#1. Do what he asks you to do, without question – If a man asks you for a favor, and you question him and say “why”…he will instantly feel like you just don’t want to do it. If you have to ask him why, it sounds like you need him to CONVINCE you to do it.If he has to convince you to do things, do you really understand him?

#2. Maintain yourself – Men are visual, which means if you let yourself go, he will lose interest. He doesn’t want to commit to a woman who is only going to get worse. Maintain yourself physically and health wise, to prove you are willing to be the best you can be for him.

#3. Trust him – Don’t be scared that he’s going to run off with some other woman, or that he’s lying to you about everything. Don’t think that he’s really untrustworthy and nag him about your own insecurities. Show him that you trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt FIRST, before you assume anything or blame him for something.

#4. Regularly give him space – Every guy wants time alone. We all need our personal space, and it’s better if you can give that to him without him having to ask for it or beg you. Do it naturally, and he will appreciate you and think you are marriage material.

#5. Be there for him, even if he says nothing about the problem – Show you are supportive of him, by BEING there; WITHOUT questioning him on the problem. Let him open up if he wants to, but if he doesn’t show him you are really there for him by being behind him regardless of whether or not he opens up to you.

#6. Be financially dependent – It can help a man to know that you aren’t going to take every last penny he has.Some men fear marriage, because they are afraid of losing all of their money (in a divorce, or even just because of a wife’s spending). Thus, you can show him that you aren’t after his money by becoming financially dependent.

#7. Compliment him – After we know someone for a while, we start to lose the “flattery”.We stop trying to impress our partners, because now we have them, and we compliment them less. Every guy wants to feel like he is great, desired, helpful, amazing etc… Let him know that you STILL believe this, and show him that you will be a positive partner for the long run by complimenting him.

#8. Learn his insecurities – It’s not something people walk around talking about, but sometimes a man hints that he is insecure about something, so that you can avoid the topic or avoid hurting him in the future.When you know his insecurities, you know exactly what it is that you should NOT do, in order to keep him COMFORTABLE.

#9. Don’t act out toward your man – If he says something that hurts your feelings, or if he does something you disagree with…most women’s first reactions would be to become dramatic and emotional and nag the guy. Don’t do this…because it tells him that you are a nightmare to marry, because instead of remaining calm and allowing him some room to improve, you are just lashing out at him.

#10. Accept responsibility in a fight – Every relationship has its moments where they are disagreements and fights.The difference between a healthy relationship that encourages a man to marry you, and an unhealthy marriage that pushes a man away is this: blame or responsibility. Don’t be the partner who blames him for everything…instead be the partner who accepts responsibility and blame for the issue.

#11. Learn to take a joke…even if its personal – Men want a woman who is ABLE to laugh at herself, because if you don’t…you’ll always feel insecure, hurt, and upset when people joke about you, or when your man tries to tell you something he thinks is funny about you. He doesn’t want to have to feel sorry for thinking something was funny…because no one can really control the things that make us laugh in the first place.

#12. Learn to take criticism – Men criticize to see improvement, and they do it in order to try to help you see things in a different light.They also criticize to try and show you a solution or a better way to do something, if they see you are struggling. This is why you should learn how to take criticism, because if you freak out every time he criticizes you, you tell him that you won’t be able to improve in the future.

#13. Be serious where it’s necessary – There’s nothing more discouraging, or annoying to a man, than a woman who does not take SERIOUS issues seriously.A serious issue is something that he considers to be important, and if you can’t take it seriously, he thinks that you don’t take HIM or yourself seriously.

#14. Keep your promises – A man views it like this: if you can’t even keep a simple promise, how will you keep and uphold the promise of marriage to him? This is why it’s important to uphold the promises you have now.

#15. Don’t use excuses – Excuses are the purest lies, because instead of being honest or accepting failure, you make excuses instead.To a man, this is like saying: “I don’t want to be open and upfront with you, and instead will beat around the bush and try to fool you”. A woman who is marriage material wouldn’t need to do this.

#16. Be COMFORTABLE around him – He wants to grab your love handles, and suddenly you are pulling away, asking him if he thinks you’re fat.You also become insecure when he wants to make love to you. Or you just struggle to open up to him. All of these things tell him that you are not comfortable around him, make him feel insecure, and make him QUESTION the point of marrying you.

#17. Show love with ACTION – Sure, you said you love him; but words only get you so far. He wants to see you SHOWING it with your actions. Thus, if you know something irritates him…don’t do it. If you know he needs you to do something, follow through with it. Prove that you love him by doing the things that you know he would appreciate.

#18. Don’t be afraid to draw the lines – If you can’t draw the lines with him…who else will you draw them with then? A woman, who doesn’t clearly define her boundaries, is a woman who may let other men do whatever they want to her. To a man, that’s not “wife” material…because in the future, he doesn’t want to have to worry about you being unable to draw the lines with other men either.

#19. Show appreciation – A man doesn’t do things for you for free…he does it to get a result. The result is to see you happy, to impress you, and to make you AND himself feel good. BUT, if you never say “thank-you”, and if you never show him that you appreciate him, and the things he does…he will think it’s pointless to marry you.

#20. Encourage him to succeed daily – Why wait to tell him he can succeed or do well, until there’s a huge problem he has to confront?Encourage him DAILY, where you support him and tell him to be the best he can, and encourage him to complete his projects the best he can etc… Be there for the big AND small things…because daily life is a struggle too, and daily life is stressful too.

#21. Take his problem solving advice – You talk to him about your problems, and suddenly he is telling you what to do and what not to do…in order to help you solve it. You may only want to be heard, and don’t want him to solve your problems…but once in a while take his advice to show him that his input is appreciated and valid, because usually it is. (If you don’t take his advice, he will feel like you only want to be in problems always.)

#22. Be calm when he is stressed – When a man is stressed it can be a HUGE problem, because he acts out of character, is unpredictable, may lash out at you, and may withdraw.BUT, instead of blaming him and arguing, just be calm and let the storm pass. He needs to know that you UNDERSTAND him in that area, and doesn’t need a woman who makes it all about “herself” when he has something stressful going on.

#23. Use the things he gives you – If he gives you a gift, some advice, a tool etc…whatever it is that he gives you, he is doing so because he thinks you’ll like it, it will help you, or that it could improve your life. Letting them sit to collect dust tells him that you really don’t care about his input or the things he has to offer.

#24. Do FOR him before you ask OF him- Men don’t mind giving everything to the woman they love, BUT if he always feels like you are taking, taking, and taking some more…and aren’t giving anything, he will start to feel discouraged. This is why you should always DO things for him, before you ask him to do things for you…so that he will feel 100% thrilled to do whatever it is you are asking, even if you are asking him to marry you.

#25. Disagree without disappointment – There will be differences, BUT the main issue is how you HANDLE the differences between each other.If you handle disagreements by arguing and becoming disappointed when you don’t take his side, you are showing him that you are emotionally immature. But, if you disagree without feeling disappointed, you show him that you can respect his opinion, even if you don’t think its right for you.

#26. Ask when you don’t know – If you’re afraid to ask him something, how will he ever feel like he can truly communicate to you? Not only this, but if you never ask him the things you are curious about, you’ll often end up looking for answers on your own, which leads to assumptions. These assumptions are often incorrect, almost 99.9% of the time. A man wants to be understood, and one of the quickest ways is to ask him, when you don’t know…instead of assuming or wondering always.

#27. Don’t pressure him – If you constantly get on his case about something, and if you’re constantly trying to CONVINCE him to do something, you should STOP right there.That’s pressuring him, whether you mean to or not, and will make him feel like you’re telling him what to do. Men HATE to be told what to do, especially in regard to the relationship!

Let him decide on his own and encourage him by instead, saying that you’d love it if he did something and leave it at that.

#28. Respect him – If he has boundaries, don’t cross them.If he values privacy in certain areas, observe it. If there is something you dislike about him, don’t go complaining to your family and girlfriends about it, behind his back. There are many examples, but the main point is that you RESPECT him, so that he can feel valued, appreciated, and upheld.

#29. MAINTAIN his interest – Marriage is a LONG-term relationship, which means that you will consciously have to make efforts to keep his interest. You won’t be able to keep his interest if he knows EVERYTHING about you, and nothing changes. This is why it’s important to learn new things, new skills, and to create a life outside the relationship so that you have things to keep and spark his interest.

#30. Learn from your mistakes – He doesn’t want to marry a woman who will constantly do things that hurt him, because she doesn’t change and doesn’t learn from her mistakes.EVEN if it takes time and an intense effort to change your bad habits, DO it anyway, to show him that you are willing to be the kind of wife he desires: a woman who is her best self.

#31. Understand your emotions – It’s called emotional maturity, where a woman has her emotions under control and doesn’t let them run her life.This means that you know how to handle your feelings when they become intense, so that you don’t impress them on your man…and it also means that you understand where they are coming from, so that you aren’t blaming him every time you feel angry, upset, disappointed, and sad etc…

#32. Evaluate yourself regularly – A guy doesn’t always want to have to point out everything that you’re doing wrong, or your flaws, or mistakes…because you are completely oblivious to them and have to ask him what’s wrong. Evaluate yourself regularly to ensure you are improving and are moving forward internally and externally.

#33. Show him that you can let things go – He’s a man, and he’s not perfect. He’s not going to know EVERYTHING about you, which means he is bound to make some mistakes along the way. He needs to know that if he does, that you can forgive him…instead of holding a grudge against him for the rest of eternity. He’d rather marry a woman who can let things go and can give him room to improve; than a woman who never lets him get past a mistake he made.

#34. Prove you are committed – If he’s going to commit to you, he has to believe 100% that you are already committed or that you will be if he asks the question.This means that you have to stick with him through the thin and problematic times (instead of running off or arguing), and that you are loyal to him (not flirting with other guys, getting rid of bad exes, supporting him instead of talking against him) etc…

The point is that you stay with him mentally, physically, and intimately no matter what.

#35. Listen to him as much as possible – Even if he’s talking about something that you hate, don’t share a passion in, or simply don’t understand…listen to him. If he’s talking about cars or some coworkers…he’s only doing it to try and spark a subject with you and to connect with you.

He wants to be able to talk to you about anything that’s on his mind, even if you’d rather talk about something else…listen to him, because it makes him feel like you’re still interested, and shows him that you can be with him through everything; even the ‘boring’ times, because life isn’t always that interesting.

#36. Be able to be alone and quiet with him – Some women worry that if a man isn’t talking, that he must have lost interest or something is wrong.It’s quite the opposite: a man loves to be able to enjoy a silent and quite moment with a woman, because it’s a perfect moment. He doesn’t have to say or do anything, but can just appreciate you being there beside him. Give him those moments, and show him that you love it too.

#37. Let him know your expectations – He doesn’t want to be the guy who constantly disappoints you or has no idea if he’s walking on egg shells with you, because you never clarified what your expectations are to begin with.The quickest way to making him feel comfortable around you for the long run is to get him to understand you, which requires you to open up about what it is that you expect.

#38. Challenge him – When you first met, you were a challenge, because he had to work very hard to get you, and to make you like him. But now that he has you, he still needs to feel challenged and needs to feel like you’re the type of woman to be worked for.He doesn’t want an easy ride, or an easy woman…

But; he wants someone who can challenge him in all kinds of ways, such as challenging him to change or be better, challenging him to keep your interest etc… This keeps him glued to you, instead of having him interested in other women.

#39. Be sexually pleasing – Sex can become pretty boring, especially if you always do the same things over and over…which is a HUGE problem, because intimacy is important in a long-term relationship. Ask him what his fantasies are, learn new tricks in bed, and ultimately surprise and encourage him there, so that he feels like you’re someone who he could stay with and marry…because you don’t disappoint him in the bedroom.

#40. Divide your time elsewhere – One of the scariest things to a man is a woman who clings on for dear life, and doesn’t let go.It’s the type of woman who acts like her life would end if he leaves her alone even for a day. Learn to divide your time so that it’s not 100% on him, so that he doesn’t feel like he has to constantly baby sit you and entertain you. In other words: get a life outside of him and the relationship.

#41. Be honest – This means no WHITE lies, no omissions, and no downright lies.If you can’t be open with him, why would he feel like he should commit to you? He doesn’t want to be with a woman who withholds things, or a woman who is afraid to be open and honest with him, because she fears his reaction.

Remember that honesty is accepted, and even if it hurts its temporary…but lies are REJECTED, and is permanent pain, because they take away his trust in you.

#42. Trust him with your personal things – Tell him your secrets and show him that you have put your trust in him by trusting him with everything that you can, so that he knows you truly do consider him to be someone you can confide in and depend upon.This makes him want to commit to you, because it gives him something to PROTECT, challenges him, and gives him a solid way to prove himself to you…all of which keep a man hooked and make him feel important.

#43. Accept him – Some things about him may be hard to accept, and you may want to change lots of things about him. BUT, when you don’t accept him for who he is, and how he is, he feels like you really don’t want to be with him. Leave it up to him to change, and instead accept him…to show him that you truly do want him; and to make him understand that he can always be himself with you.

#44. Surprise him – This can be very difficult to do, but will impress him when you pull it off, and will show him that you really do make efforts toward him. A good example is when you do something for him, without him even having to ask…and that something is what he desired all along.

The element of surprise in a relationship keeps him interested and gives him a reason to stick around for the long run, because it shows that you still have lots left to offer that he doesn’t even know about.

#45. Be spontaneous – Organizing your life down to every last detail leaves little left to the imagination and takes the fun out of the relationship. Not only this, but a man may feel completely controlled (which he hates) when you try to organize his and your life into a schedule.

Sure, it can be easier to know when something should happen, BUT, planning every little thing FOR him makes him feel like you’re just too bossy.Be spontaneous instead, and let some things happen as they occur, instead of as you plan them.

#46. Make him laugh – Though it can happen naturally, once he gets to know you, he may not find the same “old” things to be funny anymore…because he is used to them. This is why you have to make an active and conscious effort to instill humor in the relationship, and to make him laugh…so that he can feel relieved, happy, de-stressed etc…

As the saying goes “laughter is the best medicine”; and it most definitely is an attractive trait for a “wife”.

#47. Be romantic – It shouldn’t be his job to always be romantic, take on that role and please him in a romantic fashion, so that he knows you aren’t simply expecting him to do everything.Guys like to be romanced as well, just in a different way; and doing this shows him that you are willing to make efforts to please him, and every guy wants to be pleased.

#48. Place importance above your-self where necessary – Relationships are about TWO people, not one…which is why it can’t always be about you. You can show him that you care, by placing importance of his things over your own things…even your own problems, if your problems are not as large. Sometimes you have to be able to concentrate on him, above yourself, and have to prove you truly do care, so that he will believe you are marriage material.

#49. Know your role – If there is a certain role that he expects a woman to play in a relationship and in a marriage, but you absolutely disagree with it…why would he want to spend his life with someone who is not willing to accept the expectations he has? Instead of challenging the role, accept it and show him that you can follow it.

#50. Let him know that he fulfills you NOW – Men worry about whether or not they will be able to support you, keep you happy, sustain interest etc… which is why they avoid marriage and avoid the commitment topic. If you want him to marry you, let him know that everything he is doing RIGHT NOW, is exactly what is necessary to sustain you in the future, so that he sees he is truly fulfilling and pleasing you…and stops worrying about being unable to, because he’d see he already is ABLE.


>

Do Orgasms Relieve Anxiety?

This entry was posted in News on by .

Great sex on a regular basis can, in fact, relieve or eliminate stress and anxiety. Sexually active adults are generally less stressed, calmer, and happier. Why? Sex causes a release of oxytocin and endorphins, similar to those released during exercise. The release of these chemicals helps bring about a sense of calmness and clarity. But here’s the ironic truth, or shall we say the “catch-69”: although a hot sex life can help relieve stress and anxiety – stress and anxiety can kill a hot sex life.

For many adults, going without sex can lead to the buildup of even more mental tension, which, if left unchecked, can ultimately bring about a lessened sense of self-worth. Once that occurs, the sex machine inside you can shut down completely, blocking you from the benefits of this very natural and beautiful act. Furthermore, according to a study sponsored by the University of Gottingen in Germany, sex-less people often take on more work to compensate for their frustration. And taking on the increased labor results in – you got it – even less sex.

For you sexless adults, this isn’t to suggest that you rush out the door and find any willing libido to help kick-start a sex life for you. Selectiveness is key. It also doesn’t mean that staying home and using self-satisfaction techniques (masturbation) is an equal substitute to getting it on with someone special. Actually, if you can achieve orgasm alone, but cannot through sexual intercourse, you could have performance anxiety. Most doctors agree that the positive effects of sex on anxiety are magnified when you do it with someone who plays an integral role in your life. Often, just seeing someone you love and trust with your feelings is enough to provide relief from anxiety.

A BIG “O” IS JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED

As beautiful and satisfying as the act of sex can be, it is but a crescendo or journey to that final, often euphoric resting place called orgasm. It is the conclusion of the plateau phase of intercourse. For women, there is some debate surrounding the pleasure and effectiveness of clitoral versus vaginal orgasms. Fact is they both feel great and provide anxiety-reversing results. Here are some of the physical and mental reactions that occur during orgasm:

  • Breathing, pulse rate and blood pressure continue to rise during sex.
  • Muscle tension and blood-vessel engorgement reach a peak.
  • Sometimes orgasm comes with a grasping-type muscular reflex of the hands and feet.
  • An abundant release of oxytocin and endorphins occurs.
  • Following orgasm, a reduction in baseline blood pressure happens.
  • Ultimately, tension is released producing an unrivaled relaxed state of mind

When the sexual crescendo concludes, the recirculation of blood back through the brain and the balance of the body brings on a momentary sense of welcomed weakness followed by a restoration of clarity, calm, and newfound confidence (especially if your partner achieves orgasm too). It feels like all your fears are literally lifted and taken away.

RECOMMENDED SEX FREQUENCY

Relationship experts recommend couples have sex at least 2 to 3 times per week. Of course, singles might see numbers double or even triple those for couples. Some people have short sexual breakaways during the day, affectionately referred to as “quickie sex”, and report seeing dramatic improvement in confidence, pep, and life accomplishments. Regardless of how often you do it, structure your goal around eliminating the anxiety first and then see if the great sex comes around. Anxiety can be dangerous, sometimes resulting in death. Aside from medicinal approaches, there are many alternative ways of effectively treating anxiety. Read articles and reports on Natural Anxiety Relief Options.


>

My Wife Accuses Me of Cheating and I’m Not! How to Calm Her Suspicions

This entry was posted in News on by .

You feel as though your wife is paranoid, don’t you? It’s hard not to given the fact that she’s constantly accusing you of cheating on her. You have virtually no idea why she’s so suspicious and even though you try hard to calm her fears because they’re baseless, she still goes on and on about how she’s certain you’re not being true to her. It’s incredibly frustrating to be in your position because you are forced to prove your innocence on a daily basis. Why is it that some women become so convinced that their husband is cheating, even when he’s not? Is there a way you can stop her from worrying so you two can just focus on how fulfilling and devoted your marriage really is?

Before I delve further into how you can calm her suspicions, I’d like to address a possibility that you may never have entertained. Human psychology can be a very puzzling thing and there are often hidden clues in a person’s actions that we don’t ever recognize. Such is the case with a wife who accuses her husband of cheating even though he is completely and utterly devoted to her. Sometimes, when a person is being unfaithful, they will take to accusing their spouse of similar behavior. There are actually a couple of reasons why this happens.

First, and foremost, if a wife is indeed being unfaithful she is conscious of having to cover up her infidelity. To that extent she’s going to be more aware when something seems not quite right with her husband. For instance, if you hide your cell phone away in your pocket when you’re home, she may notice that your behavior mirrors her own so she’s going to jump to the conclusion that you are also cheating. The other reason a wife will sometimes accuse her husband of adultery, when in fact she’s guilty of it, is just that. Her guilt is so much that she needs to find a way to displace it so she directs it towards her husband so as to take the bulk of the burden off herself.

Please note that this is not always the case when a wife has become very accusatory. In most cases, it has nothing to do with the wife’s own devotion to the marriage, and it’s more much a self esteem related issue.

Your wife may be overly suspicious of your connections with other women because she isn’t happy with who she is. This can occur after a woman has been married for a time and her husband just doesn’t put in the same effort to make her happy as he once did. It also tends to be a problem for women who aren’t happy with themselves in a physical sense. If your wife looks in the mirror and doesn’t find her own body appealing, she’s going to assume you feel much the same way about it.

Calming these fears can be done but it does take time and patience. You must devote yourself to helping your wife embrace who she is, exactly as she is now. That means making more complimentary comments about how much you love and desire her. It means encouraging her to chase her own dreams and to do the things she finds fulfilling. You have to support your wife in every way imaginable. By doing this you’ll be showing her that you believe in her which in turn, will help her believe in herself more.

It’s essential that you tell your wife how much you adore her on a regular basis. We all sometimes neglect our spouse, not out of intention, but merely out of circumstance. If your life has become very busy and you don’t spend as much time with your wife as you once did, change that now. Create more opportunities for the two of you to be together. Talk with her more, and more importantly, listen to her more. If she feels you are focused solely on her, she’s going to let go of any suspicions she may have had about you being involved with another woman.

It’s also good to allow your wife unlimited access to your life and everything that entails. Leave your cell phone in full view, even when you’re out of the room. Don’t rush to answer calls in private. Also, invite her to visit you at your office whenever she wishes. If you show her you have nothing to hide, she’ll come to believe it.


>

Dream Interpretation – The Meaning of the Fish in Dreams

This entry was posted in News on by .

The fish is a sacred dream symbol. It represents divinity and superiority.

However, only the calm fishes have this symbolic meaning, because the violent ones, like sharks, represent the domination of craziness in the human side of the human conscience due to the invasion of the absurd content existent in the wild side of the human brain.

Domestic red fishes and colored fishes that live in the sea or in rivers, as well as all fishes that are grey, represent the calm and the wisdom of God.

But what does it exactly mean to see a calm fish in a dream?

Depending on the dream’s context and on your biography, the calm and silent fish will indicate that you have to behave like a wise fish, so that you’ll keep being near God and never do what is wrong, or that you are already being wise like the fish that never says a word.

The fish’s silence is the silence of God before what is evil: the silence of a superior creature, before of a beast.

On the other hand, if you see in a dream that you managed to catch a big fish, this means that you are going to “fish” someone you desire, a treasure from the bottom of the sea, something really special! This is an excellent dream message, and I really hope that you’ll see many dreams where you are catching fish or watching them calmly and silently swim.

These are very good dream images, and after them you are going to see many other fascinating dream images and messages, because if you have managed to be like God in certain points of your life, this means that you have evolved and you will certainly evolve much more.

The unconscious mind is your protector and this is why all the dream messages have a protective character. After your first occupation with the meaning of your dreams and the transformation of your personality, you’ll see, almost every day, dreams containing future previsions about certain points of your life. The unconscious mind will protect you more, because you’ll understand more.

Then you’ll observe that the unconscious mind sends you symbolic messages also when you are not sleeping and dreaming, but when you are awake, living. Everything that happens to you and to the people that are close to you have a symbolic meaning that gives you information about the reality where you are.

For example, you are in a restaurant and you are irritated with the waiter’s delay. Suddenly, your eyes fall over a ball with red fishes and instead of being nervous with the delay, you become ashamed because you became irritated with such thing. You understand that you simply have to forgive the waiter, and wait with patience, without filling your heart with the poison of revolt.

The fishes in your environment remind you of the superior attitude you should have, eliminating your anger. You’ll be always in contact with the unconscious mind, since you’ll be always translating the symbolic meaning of everything.

The symbolic language is very interesting, because one word has many meanings. You have first of all to learn how it works on dreams.

You’ll see that the meaning of a symbol varies, depending on the dream’s context and on the biography of the dreamer, one of the most important parts for the real comprehension of the meaning of a dream, since the dreams we see when we sleep give us information about our own lives, our psyche, our problems, etc. first of all, and then information about other people and everything else. So, the biography of the dreamer is indispensable if we want to properly translate the meaning of a dream.

In the example of the fish, you have seen that there are three different definitions for its meaning:

– Divinity (Calm fish)

– Domination of Craziness (Shark)

– A Treasure (Catching a fish)

The same way, depending on the dreamer’s biography, we have other definitions that help us understand the real meaning of each part of the dream for the specific case that we are analyzing.

After evolving you’ll understand the meaning of patience, forgiveness, piety and sanctity.

The dream images you’ll see will be completely different from the ones you see in the beginning of your occupation with the meaning of your dreams.

You have to learn the dream language… The fish is only one symbol: only one word of a foreign language for you. You have to learn how to immediately translate the dream symbols like me and my students so that you may understand the messages that the wise unconscious mind that produces your dreams is sending you in order to protect you from your wild side.

Learn the dream language with my simplification of the complicated method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung at the end of the last century. My method is dynamic, according to the lifestyle of the twentieth century.

I continued his research, discovering many dream symbols and becoming a real psychiatrist myself, while I was only a writer. I had to deeply study the content of the human brain, human behavior, and the effect of the invasion of the wild side in the human side, while curing many people from serious mental illness for 19 years.

Dream interpretation according to the scientific method is a miraculous solution for the desperate population of our absurd modern civilization, where terrorism, violence, hypocrisy and futility govern.

The wise and saintly unconscious mind will give a definitive end to terrorism, immorality and violence on Earth, transforming our crazy world into a beautiful place, where we’ll be able to live peacefully and happily.

The entire human race will learn how to translate their dreams without a doubt now that we have discovered that we have a violent and evil wild side in our own brain that must be transformed into a positive part of our human side, and also, now that we know that we receive precious information and guidance from the wise unconscious mind translating our own dreams.


>

Making Love With a Virgin

This entry was posted in News on by .

Are you looking for tips when making love to a virgin girl? If yes, you are at the right place.

Making love with a virgin girl is very different when you make love with a non-virgin. It will be a very emotional process for her and is your responsibility to calm her down so she will have a unforgettable and pleasurable session.

A virgin girl will be extremely passive in bed (unless she is the wild one!). So you must take a lot of initiative in bed and tell her what you want to do with her.

Remember: making love to a virgin girl is a very emotional occasion for her. The memory of having sex for the first time will last forever in her mind. You would NOT want to spoil her first time.

Don’t be a jerk.

Now, let me share with you 5 tips you should know when making love to a virgin girl.

Tip One: Calm her down. She will probably be extremely nervous in bed and you should try your very best to calm her nerves. Spend some time cuddling together and give her a little alcohol to calm her down. Assure her that everything will be fine and you will take care of her.

Tip Two: Be sensitive. Do not go hardcore or explore popular kama sutra positions when you make love to a virgin girl. Go for something simple like the Missionary Position so that you will not freak her out.

Tip Three: Reassure her that you know what you are doing. A virgin girl needs a lot of assurance from their man. It is your responsibility to assure her that you know what you are doing as she is giving her first time to you. She will need a lot of care and concern and demonstrate how much you love her by going the extra mile.

Tip Four: Don’t enter her when she is not wet enough. As this is her first time having sex, her vagina will be very sensitive. If you enter her before she gets wet, she will experience a lot of pain and may bail out. You would not want this to happen, right? So spend some time on foreplay. Turn her on by kissing and licking her erogenous zones such as breasts, neck, spine, inner thighs, earlobes, lips, etc.

Tip Five: Slow down during intercourse. Do not go thrusting like a porn star during intercourse. Be gentle and start off with a very slow pace. During intercourse, cuddle and make her feel loved. Be sensitive and ask her if the pace is right for her. If she does not have any issue about it, gradually increase the pace of your thrusts until she reaches orgasm.

I hope that these 5 tips can make you a better lover with making love with her virgin girl.

Do your best to give her an unforgettable night. Don’t spoil it.

However, in order not to spoil her night, you must be able to last longer during intercourse. You can’t ejaculate before she gets an orgasm.

Are you lasting long enough?

If not, check out the bonus tip below to last longer in bed:


>

Calming and Soothing An Overstimulated Baby That Just Won’t Stop Crying

This entry was posted in News on by .

Christmas is a fun time of year, especially with a little baby. But with all of the excitement, and relatives fawning over the baby, it’s easy for babies to become overstimulated. Here are a few easy tips for recognizing when baby is overstimulated and helping them calm down.

You’ve had a fun day visiting with the relatives, and everyone has enjoyed gushing over the new baby. The little one has probably been held by a lot of new people, been surrounded by bright colorful lights and maybe even lots of noise. Now it’s evening, the baby has hardly slept all day, and s/he is crying uncontrollably and can’t seem to be soothed. S/he might even have developed a case of the hiccups.

This kind of overstimulation is generally rare, because most babies will just fall asleep when they start to get too much input. During the holidays though, all of the commotion makes baby much more vulnerable. So what do you do if baby has reached that point and you just can’t get him/her to sleep?

Find a dimly lit, quiet place. Move away from the commotion to a darker room. This takes the baby out of the stimulation and gives the little one’s nervous system a chance to start calming down.

Find a spot in the room with little to look at. If you can find a blank white wall, that is the best.

Position the baby so that s/he is looking at the blank wall. Then, either rock the baby, or sway baby back and forth in your arms in a gentle rocking motion. If you have a way you usually move the baby to sooth him/her use this motion as it is familiar and will be the most soothing.

Make a gentle, rhythmic shhhing noise to the baby. This is especially effective for young babies as it sounds similar to the noises they heard in the womb.

It will take some persistence, but you will gradually start to see baby’s body relax.

If baby is squirmy and this isn’t working, lay him/her down in your arms so that s/he is looking at you and his/her head is next to the inside of your elbow. Swing your upper body (with baby) around gently back and forth (rather like you are doing a twisting exercise). Start fairly quickly, as though you are playing with the baby, and then gradually get slower until the baby nods off. The back and forth motion gives them enough stimulation to help them go from a highly stimulated state to a relaxed calm state.

Once baby has calmed down, make sure s/he is sound asleep before you put him/her down. A good way to check is to make sure that his/her arms are floppy. By this I mean that when you lift baby’s arm the wrist is floppy, the arm is relaxed, and baby doesn’t stir. If you put him/her down to quickly they will pop back up.

Although these methods will take a little time, they will ensure that baby gets to sleep and will give you a chance to get a good night’s sleep, or a nice little break. Baby will feel better after awakening. Over stimulation can become painful for the baby, but with these tools you can soothe baby right down. You’ll look like a baby whisperer!


>

How to Deal With Anxiety Using Your Vagus Nerve

This entry was posted in News on by .

How often do you have to deal with anxiety in your everyday life?

If you find yourself worrying too much or getting caught into non-stopping irrational thoughts or even feeling nausea, chest pain and heart palpitations then this article is for you.

You are about to learn a simple yet very effective technique to deal with anxiety naturally by stimulating your vagus nerve. This powerful technique can be used to relieve stress and anxiety anywhere and anytime; at home, when commuting and of course at those horrible work meetings.

Did you know that the FDA approved a surgically implanted device that is successfully treating depression by periodically stimulating the vagus nerve?

But hopefully you won’t need surgery. You can enjoy the benefits of vagus nerve stimulation by adopting some simple breathing techniques.

So what is that vagus nerve?

The vagus nerve is the most important element of the parasympathetic nervous system (the one that calms you down by controlling your relaxation response).

It originates from the brainstem and it is “wandering” all the way down, into the belly, spreading fibers to the tongue, pharynx, vocal chords, lungs, heart, stomach, intestines and glands that produce anti-stress enzymes and hormones (like Acetylcholine, Prolactin, Vasopressin, Oxytocin), influencing digestion, metabolism and of course the relaxation response.

Vagus nerve acts as the mind-body connection, and it is the cabling behind your heart’s emotions and gut instincts. The key to manage your mind state and your anxiety levels lies on being able to activate the calming nervous pathways of your parasympathetic system.

You cannot control this part of the nervous system on demand, but you can indirectly stimulate your vagus nerve by:

  • Immersing your face in cold water (diving reflex)
  • Attempting to exhale against a closed airway (Valsalva maneuver).
  • This can be done by keeping the mouth closed and pinching the nose while trying to breathe out. This greatly increases pressures inside the chest cavity stimulating the vagus nerve and increasing vagal tone
  • Singing
  • And of course, diaphragmatic breathing techniques

Strengthening this living nervous system can pay great dividends, and the best tool to achieve that is by training your breath.

Breathe with your diaphragm

Now it’s time to put this concept into practice. The first thing you need to do is breathe using your diaphragm (abdominal breathing). This is the foundation of proper breathing and anxiety relief.

The diaphragm is your primary breathing muscle. It is belled shaped and when you inhale it patterns out (or should flatten out), acting as piston and creating vacuum on you thoracic cavity, so your lungs can expand and air gets in.

On the other side it creates pressure, pushing the viscera down and out, expanding your belly. That’s why good breathing practice is described as abdominal breathing or belly breathing.

Breathe with the glottis partially closed

Glottis is at the back of your tongue and it is closed when you are holding your breath. Here we want have it partially closed. It is that feeling you have in your throat while you exhale and make a “Hhhhh” sound in order to clean your glasses, but without actually making the sound.

It also resembles the way you breathe when you are in the verge of sleep and you are about to snore a little bit.

By controlling the glottis you are:

  • Controlling the air flow, both during inhale and during exhale
  • Stimulating your vagus nerve.

Try it right now

Now it’s time to put all this theory into action by practicing this 7 – 11 diaphragmatic breathing technique.

  • Inhale diaphragmatically through your nose, with your glottis partially closed, like almost making a “Hhhhh” sound for a count of 7
  • Hold your breath for a moment
  • Exhale through your nose (or you mouth), with your glottis partially closed, like almost making a “Hhhhh” sound for a count of 11

This is one breath cycle; go for 6 – 12 cycles and observe the results.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The more you practice the more effective this technique will be.

Eventually, when your newly acquired breathing skill is established and abdominal breathing becomes a habit, you’ll find your body constantly operating at a much lower stress level.

You will also notice (or sometimes you will not even notice it) how your breath responses to stressful situations; your body will be conditioned to automatically control your breath and by this, your stress and anxiety.

Summary

One of the keys to deal with anxiety is to learn how to stimulate your vagus nerve through proper breathing. The vagus nerve acts as the mind-body connection and controls your relaxation response. You can stimulate your vagus nerve by practicing diaphragmatic breathing with the glottis partially closed. Use your dead time to practice this technique consistently, turn it to a habit and you’ll be amazed by the results.


>

Cats and Fireworks – Tips To Help Keep Your Feline Calm And Safe

This entry was posted in News on by .

Fireworks and cats… they just don’t mix. At best, you end up with a baffled cat sitting in the windowsill and wondering what is going on. More likely, you’ll have a cat hidden under the bed, unwilling to surface for a good time to come, or a cat manically running around the house looking for shelter far, far away from all this noise.

New Year’s Eve, Bonfire Night, and other occasions where fireworks are used are stressful times for cats. It doesn’t help that there are always people who start lighting fireworks well before the special date set for their use. Not to mention those who just cannot seem to stop and carry on lighting them for a long time afterward.

If your cats have access to outdoors, make sure to keep them inside on special nights when fireworks are expected. It is a worrying thought to have your felines outside on a hill, hiding in the bushes because they are too scared to dash back home. Luring them inside with a treat a good amount of time before the worst is expected to start, and then locking the cat flap, will give you and your cats some peace of mind as to their safety.

If you happen to have a good relation with your neighbours, it doesn’t hurt to have a word with them. If you kindly ask them not to light fireworks when they can see the cats are out and about, I am sure they will be considerate. Especially if you mention that you will have them safely indoors on the actual night. It’s a fair deal, after all, and most people love pets and would not deliberately hurt or frighten them.

On the night itself, you could play some soothing music. Alternatively, you could turn on the television. Background noise can help distract your feline from the big bangs outside.

Close the windows and, if possible, close the curtains. This will help your feline to feel shielded away from what is going on. Talk to them, pet them, try to reassure them that everything is alright.

This doesn’t mean you can’t go out and enjoy yourself. You can light fireworks yourself if you like doing so (and if it is allowed where you live, of course). If you do want to light fireworks, try to keep it brief as you can. And it is preferable to go for the prettier fireworks such as rockets and fountains, rather than those that sound like big explosions.

If you are going away during those times, ask a family member or friend to turn on the lights when it gets dark. Or leave them on yourself, if you are only out for the night. Have the radio on, softly enough to not disturb the neighbours, but loud enough to provide background noise. Make sure the litter tray is clean, and that there’s plenty of food and water available.

If your cat has a certain hiding place, it can be helpful to place the food, water and tray nearby. That enables your feline friend to make a quick dash for them when needed. It can eliminate the risk of any scared soiling of hard to get to places.

The best thing to do, of course, is to keep your cat company during those hours and to provide them with some comfort. Your presence will automatically reassure your feline that everything will be alright. After all, if you’re okay and calm, they will be, too.


>

Job Interview Anxiety? What You Can Do to Calm Down and Impress Your Interviewers’ Socks Off

This entry was posted in News on by .

Job interviews are inherently stressful. Your livelihood depends on it, especially if you’re currently “in between jobs.” But you don’t have to be at the mercy of your anxiety and stress hormones. Read on to discover a few powerful techniques that will help you stay cool.

Of course, you’re not the only one who’s nervous about job interviews. Most people are. It’s “normal.” But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. After all, clammy hands and sweat pouring down your forehead are not designed to help you nab the job you want. So while a few butterflies are okay and can even be helpful, a full-blown panic attack is definitely not in order.

Just be sure not to overdo the calming stuff. If you’re so calm and laid back that the interviewer thinks you don’t really care either way, you’ve overdone the stress management. But that’s probably not a big danger as long as you lay off the Valium or other calming prescription medication. You want to be alert and interested, not medicated and zonked out.

So what can you do? Some of the things that help are just common sense. Get enough sleep. Go for a walk. Wear something that makes you feel confident — and comfortable. And do your homework.

The better you’re prepared, the more confident you’ll be, and the more confident you are, the less nervous you’ll be.

But there are a few bonus things you can do:

Deep breathing. Calming aromatherapy. Maybe a small dose of a “calming” herb, such as valerian. Be careful though. Don’t take valerian for the first time ever right before you go to your job interview. Why? Because you want to make sure you know how you react to it. You also want to make sure it doesn’t relax you to the point where you’re no longer safe to drive.

So try it at another time or a few first, just to get familiar with what it does – and doesn’t – do for you. Most people find that it takes away the jitters and makes you feel a lot calmer without having any other effects. And then, there’s an extremely powerful technique you can use that has no side effects at all. And that’s EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. It’s a mind/body technique and works much like acupuncture, but without the needles. Instead, you tap on the meridian points.

And you can learn it quickly and do it anytime and anyplace. So you could tap for a few minutes right before the interview, and let yourself be surprised at how calm and confident you are.


>